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AT4W: Captain America

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:iconfuhrerplz::iconsaysplz: You don't give up do you!?

:iconlinkaraplz::iconsaysplz: Nope!

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Ecclytennysmithylove's avatar
Memorable quotes from episode 164:


Linkara: "Joe Simon came up with the original sketch of Captain America, though originally conceived his name as "Super American", but changed it because he felt that there were too many characters around with "super" in their name, and instead going with "Captain America" because there weren't a lot of captains. Simon was a longtime partner of Jack Kirby, and the two conceived up a lot of the details of the character in the first issue. When they brought the character to Martin Goodman, who, at the time, was the publisher of Timely Comics, one of the companies that would eventually become Marvel, he decided that Captain America would actually have his own solo title, which, given all the anthology books we've seen during the last two Secret Origins Months, was a pretty damn big deal at the time. Jack Kirby, king of awesome that he was, actually managed to pencil the entire book himself on time, despite everyone believing it would be too big a workload. And of course, since the character was created to be the polar opposite of Hitler, what do they do? First issue: CAPTAIN AMERICA PUNCHING HITLER IN THE FACE!!" *looks at a picture of Hitler while holding his fists up* "I AM AMERICA!" *punches the picture away*
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Linkara: "We open on a recruiting station in the U.S. of A."
Narrator: "As the ruthless war-mongers of Europe focus their eyes on peace-loving America..."
Linkara: *firing a machine gun in the air wildly* "WOO! PEEEAACE! WOOOOOO!!!"
Narrator: "...the youth of our country heed the call to arm for defense..."
Linkara (as narrator): "Some of them even start "fit to win" clubs... that are quickly shut down because no one is that much of a loser."
Narrator: "The dreaded fifth column..."
Linkara (as narrator): "The greatest enemy in Tetris:" *pointing to camera* "the dreaded fifth column."
--------
Linkara: "In Washington, Franklin Delano Roosevelt is being briefed on the situation."
Army General: "But I tell you Mister President-- there is no stopping these vermin... They're so firmly entrenched in our ranks in our ranks that I hesitate to give a confidential report to even my most trusted aide..."
Linkara (as the general): *holding up a piece of paper* "I can't trust this report on what regulation-sized paper the different Army divisions should use to just anybody!"
--------
Linkara: "Anyway, FDR explains that they are in the process of doing something about all the sabotage attempts. He brings in J. Arthur Grover, head of the FBI, who brings them to an old curios shop, which I guess is what an antique shop was called back in those days."
Narrator: "The door slowly opens, and a gnarled, bony hand reaches for a waiting automatic... then recognizing the visitors--replaces the fire-arm!"
Linkara (as an old lady): *holding up a gun* "If you boys had been Nazzies, Granny would've busted a cap in your ass!"
Linkara: "Actually, we couldn't have anything as cool as that, so it turns out that the old lady is actually just a beautiful woman wearing a disguise. She leads them into a laboratory and places them inside an observation room, where they see a frail young Steve Rogers along with a scientist."
Scientist: "Don't be afraid, son... You are about to become one of America's saviors!"
Linkara (as scientist): "Now turn around and bend over, savior. This is gonna hurt like hell."
--------
Linkara: "Anyway, it turns out that one of the high-ranking observes is in fact a Nazi spy!"
Mr. Erlich (Gary Epper): "Congratulations." *suddenly retracts his hand to make an upward salute* "Heil Hitler!" *shoots Dr. Vaselli with other hand*
Linkara: "He pulls out a gun and shoots through the glass, killing the scientist. He shoots the other observer, save for the woman, named Agent X-13, as well as taking out the vials containing the rest of the super-soldier serum. And naturally, this being a fictional story, there are no notes or documentation about the creation of the serum. However, Steve Rogers is pissed and pulls the Nazi right through the broken glass."
Steve: "Come on out, you skunk!"
Linkara (as Steve): "Unless that gun causes asthma, it's time to open up a can of American whoop-ass!"
--------
Linkara: "We cut to Camp Lehigh, where apparently Steve has been stationed."
Narrator: "At Camp Lehigh of the United States Army Bucky Barnes, mascot of the regiment, approaches Private Steve Rogers."
Linkara: "Wait, in World War II, we had mascots for Army regiments? What, did they stand on the sidelines of the battlefield to raise morale when mortar shells fired? Did Patton have a little kid nearby cheering, 'You sure did real Rommel's book, sir! You read the hell out of it!'"
Linkara: "The young Bucky Barnes says he'd love to meet a guy like Captain America."
Steve: "Maybe you can, Bucky... Maybe you can!"
Linkara (as Steve): "Yep, it's certainly not like I'm Captain America. No siree."
Linkara: "And coincidence of coincidences, Bucky happens to walk in Steve's tent that night while he's getting dressed in the Captain America outfit, learning his secret."
Steve: "I guess you got me dead to rights---I am Captain America!"
Bucky: "Gosh... Gee whiz... Golly!!"
Linkara: "All of those are things children never actually say."
Steve: "From now on we must both share this secret together... That means you're my partner, Bucky!"
Linkara: "Oh, yes, by "partner", he means "have Bucky dress up in his own red and blue costume and become his sidekick, despite lacking any kind of superpowered strength or ability." Hell, he doesn't even have his own name. His superhero name is "Bucky"!"
Narrator: "And... so Bucky's dream is fulfilled as as he fights side by side with Captain America against the vicious elements who seek to overthrow the U.S. government!"
Linkara (as narrator): "See this brave ten-year-old get killed horribly as Nazis shoot him down!" *smiles smugly*
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Linkara: "The next one is about a big-headed, bald, green guy with an equally giant crystal ball and... uh, Nick Fury?"
Narrator: "What connection was there between the wave of sabotage that swept the U.S. defense industries, and..."
Linkara: "'And' ellipses?"
Narrator: "...the strange little man who predicted it would happen? No one but Captain America could solve the riddle!"
Linkara: *waving dismissively* "Oh, please, Film Brain already solved the riddle: Charles Dickens is an immortal hobo."
--------
Linkara: "The story is about some weird guy in a robe named Rathcone, who is actually a Nazi that commands his agents over a shortwave radio to kill certain Army officers. They kill an admiral before he was to give a lecture, but fortunately, Captain America and Bucky are nearby to hunt down the killer."
Captain America: "Think you can handle a man's job... Bucky, m'lad?"
Bucky: "Sure I can-- What do you think I am-- a baby?"
Linkara (as Captain America): *holding his shield* "Good. Here are the keys; go bring the car around and wait for me while I go punch some Nazis."
Linkara: "Actually, Captain America, being the wise mentor that he is, sends in Bucky alone to deal with the murderer while watches from above. Naturally, the kid gets smacked around before Cap has to come in and save him. He demands that the man speak, but of course, he refuses."
Captain America: "Now isn't that just too bad! This calls for a little tightening of the windpipe!"
Linkara (as Captain America): *reaching out his hand* "Does Captain America need to choke a bitch?"
---------
Linkara: "The police investigate the major's death after Steve Rogers finds the body."
Steve: "It's funny, you can't tell just what killed him!"
Linkara (as Steve): "I mean, aside from the heavy bruises around his neck indicating he was strangled. Nope, no way to tell what killed him."
---------
Linkara: "Cap and Bucky get ready to go hunting for the Red Skull. They mentioned him earlier before the major was killed and that nobody knows what he looks like. Cap, probably remembering how the little moron almost got himself killed in the last story, changes his mind and tells Bucky to stay put. Bucky goes out of his own while the Red Skull talks with his henchmen about how to take down the U.S. government."
Red Skull: "Of course you realize the main item in overthrowing a government is money!"
Linkara (as Red Skull): "Which is why I've been going out on my own to strangle Army officials!" *beat* "Wait..."
---------
Linkara: "Cap beats up the goons, but the Red Skull escapes. The next day, the soldiers watch a new experimental aircraft from the Maxon Corporation, and Mr. Maxon himself to see the show. When the plane suddenly crashes, he expresses regret about the plane going down, but has no regard for the men inside who died. That night, the Red Skull shows up at a general's home and kills him, even going to the trouble of beating up his wife, who is smart enough to pick up a gun... but proceeded to also drop when she saw her dead husband."
General's wife: "You red devil! You'll pay for this!"
Linkara (as general's wife): "That other granny may have been fake, but I know Gran Fu, and I'll make you truly red!"
---------
Linkara: "The Red Skull rolls over onto his hypodermic needle and kills himself. I really don't think you can do that unless the needle was pointed straight up, but whatever."
Bucky: "But you saw it all--why didn't you stop him from killing himself?"
Captain America: "I'm not talking, Bucky!"
Linkara (as Captain America): *holding his shield* "That is a really stupid question, Bucky. Shut your gob."