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Memorable quotes from episode 205:
Linkara: "Before we begin with the comic proper, Todd Loren wrote and introduction explaining why he's writing the comic, basically outlining his problems with superhero stories."
Todd Loren: "The costumes are silly. They all look basically the same."
Linkara: "Damn right! Batman an Wonder Woman? Completely the same!"
Loren: "Secret identities are stupid. Writers use them as a crutch. A real superhero wouldn't have one."
Linkara: "Of course not. It's not like some criminal would try to take revenge on their family or anything."
Loren: "Origins generally have no basis in fact, and make no sense."
Linkara (as Loren): "All I'm saying is that if Booster Gold is flying around with a force field and shooting energy beams, he should be from this time period and not be a time traveler from the 25th century."
Loren: "Supervillains. Another crutch."
Linkara: "Yeah! I mean, who would have a character act like an asshole with their powers. Heh. Anyone who writes something like that is just using a crutch."
Loren: "They don't act like real people."
Linkara (as Loren): "And dammit, if Cyborg is going to be possessed by an alien computer intelligence and try to pull the moon out of its orbit, then I expect him to act like a real person!"
Loren: "They don't teach relevant lessons."
Linkara: "Exactly! Teaching people about compassion or responsibility or aspiring to be better than they are is just completely irrelevant!"
Loren: "They don't explore many of the positive things a superhero could do."
Linkara (as Loren): "Stopping criminals, rescuing people in danger." *scoffs* "What's so positive about that?"
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Linkara: "We open above the Earth, where no doubt the TARDIS is crashing down for the fiftieth time."
God: *narrating* "Let's see... Who shall I choose? Ah yes, he'll do..."
Linkara (as God): "I am the narrator and I bestow upon the power to narrate!"
God: *narrating* "This is God speaking... I want to tell you a story."
Linkara (as God): "Now, this is a story all about how / My life got flipped, turned upside-down."
God: *narrating* "Kevin Hardin is a normal seventeen year old American boy."
Linkara (as God): "Aside from his crippling fear of sock puppets."
Linkara: "God, I guess, is narrating to us about how Kevin recently moved out of his parents house and moved to California, where he lives a normal life. However, God is disappointed that this guy, whom our Divine Lord has decided to point out is really good-looking, has never had sex."
God: *narrating* "Even with his looks he only repels women."
Avon (Paul Darrow): "Being a born loser may have something to do with it."
God: *narrating* "Those who fail to make use of gifts I've given them... lose them. That's the rules. But there are exceptions to every rule."
Linkara (as God): "Some comic creators have absolutely no gifts, yet somehow still managed to use the nothing that they have."
Linkara: "God has decided to grant the young Kevin Hardin super strength."
Linkara: "Before we begin with the comic proper, Todd Loren wrote and introduction explaining why he's writing the comic, basically outlining his problems with superhero stories."
Todd Loren: "The costumes are silly. They all look basically the same."
Linkara: "Damn right! Batman an Wonder Woman? Completely the same!"
Loren: "Secret identities are stupid. Writers use them as a crutch. A real superhero wouldn't have one."
Linkara: "Of course not. It's not like some criminal would try to take revenge on their family or anything."
Loren: "Origins generally have no basis in fact, and make no sense."
Linkara (as Loren): "All I'm saying is that if Booster Gold is flying around with a force field and shooting energy beams, he should be from this time period and not be a time traveler from the 25th century."
Loren: "Supervillains. Another crutch."
Linkara: "Yeah! I mean, who would have a character act like an asshole with their powers. Heh. Anyone who writes something like that is just using a crutch."
Loren: "They don't act like real people."
Linkara (as Loren): "And dammit, if Cyborg is going to be possessed by an alien computer intelligence and try to pull the moon out of its orbit, then I expect him to act like a real person!"
Loren: "They don't teach relevant lessons."
Linkara: "Exactly! Teaching people about compassion or responsibility or aspiring to be better than they are is just completely irrelevant!"
Loren: "They don't explore many of the positive things a superhero could do."
Linkara (as Loren): "Stopping criminals, rescuing people in danger." *scoffs* "What's so positive about that?"
--------
Linkara: "We open above the Earth, where no doubt the TARDIS is crashing down for the fiftieth time."
God: *narrating* "Let's see... Who shall I choose? Ah yes, he'll do..."
Linkara (as God): "I am the narrator and I bestow upon the power to narrate!"
God: *narrating* "This is God speaking... I want to tell you a story."
Linkara (as God): "Now, this is a story all about how / My life got flipped, turned upside-down."
God: *narrating* "Kevin Hardin is a normal seventeen year old American boy."
Linkara (as God): "Aside from his crippling fear of sock puppets."
Linkara: "God, I guess, is narrating to us about how Kevin recently moved out of his parents house and moved to California, where he lives a normal life. However, God is disappointed that this guy, whom our Divine Lord has decided to point out is really good-looking, has never had sex."
God: *narrating* "Even with his looks he only repels women."
Avon (Paul Darrow): "Being a born loser may have something to do with it."
God: *narrating* "Those who fail to make use of gifts I've given them... lose them. That's the rules. But there are exceptions to every rule."
Linkara (as God): "Some comic creators have absolutely no gifts, yet somehow still managed to use the nothing that they have."
Linkara: "God has decided to grant the young Kevin Hardin super strength."
God: *narrating* "I do this from time to time, to make improvements on my creations."
Linkara (as God): "I once gave Mara Wilson the power to call upon all video footage of people and then smite them for their sins. Man, that one was awesome."
God: *narrating* "Some call it mutation. Or natural selection, evolution, whatever."
Linkara (as God): "I call it "snookerdoodle", but I'm God, I'm wacky like that."
--------
Linkara: "So, just to recap: God decides to give superpowers some random seventeen-year-old because he was bored. Speaking of, Kevin tosses his alarm clock into a wall, not realizing what he's done until he awakens. God also speaks up again to say that there's no way he'll get laid since women are too picky these days and want a man with brains. So... God's just dicking around with him? Also, prostitute! Boom, problem solved! Kevin's roommate doesn't believe he has powers, so Kevin decides to try throwing something else and seeing what happens. As such, he hurls a baseball at a wall... Well, more like the baseball just magically propels forth from his hand, if this image is to be believed... and it goes through the wall, although I should note that if the walls are that thin, chances are good you could've thrown a pillow at the wall and had the same effect. He decides to leave and immediately realizes he has superpowers."
Kevin Hardin: "Or maybe this is just one of those mysterious things that just happens, like the first time I came!"
Linkara: "Man, aren't you glad that this avoids all those needless cliches that other superhero comics possess? Whew! No, no, this, this is what the people to know about."
God: *narrating* "See what I mean? Dumb! What a sense-less waste of human life!..."
Linkara (as a random person): "Uh... then pardon me, Lord, but then why did you give him superpowers?"
Linkara (as God): "Look, shut up! I work in mysterious ways!"
--------
Linkara: "Naturally, the woman runs away after this and all the people just stare in horror. Well, clearly this is a turning point in this comic where he must learn about the harsh reality of having such incredible power and it'll get all dramatic and stuff... or we could just have some random guy [named Jim, as later revealed] come up to him."
Jim: "Hey, what's the matter with you? Are you nuts? Don't you know that with great power comes great responsibility?"
Linkara: "Ooh, bad call. Don't remind people of other, better comics they could be reading instead of this. I mean, instead of reading about some psychotic killer, they could read "Amazing Spider-Man", which at the time was introducing Carnage, a psychotic killer! ...My point still stands!"
Jim: "Man, you need help! Listen, I've been waiting my whole life for a real superhero to come along, and when he finally does, this happens!"
Linkara (as Jim): "God, you just straight up murdered someone, dude. This is a complete bummer for me!"
--------
Linkara: "Kevin stops in at a White Castle to consider his situation, and yet he does not order the wonder that is chicken rings! Flight and super-strength?" *scoffs* "You want to impress people? Show them chicken in a ring form, my friends!"
Linkara (as God): "I once gave Mara Wilson the power to call upon all video footage of people and then smite them for their sins. Man, that one was awesome."
God: *narrating* "Some call it mutation. Or natural selection, evolution, whatever."
Linkara (as God): "I call it "snookerdoodle", but I'm God, I'm wacky like that."
--------
Linkara: "So, just to recap: God decides to give superpowers some random seventeen-year-old because he was bored. Speaking of, Kevin tosses his alarm clock into a wall, not realizing what he's done until he awakens. God also speaks up again to say that there's no way he'll get laid since women are too picky these days and want a man with brains. So... God's just dicking around with him? Also, prostitute! Boom, problem solved! Kevin's roommate doesn't believe he has powers, so Kevin decides to try throwing something else and seeing what happens. As such, he hurls a baseball at a wall... Well, more like the baseball just magically propels forth from his hand, if this image is to be believed... and it goes through the wall, although I should note that if the walls are that thin, chances are good you could've thrown a pillow at the wall and had the same effect. He decides to leave and immediately realizes he has superpowers."
Kevin Hardin: "Or maybe this is just one of those mysterious things that just happens, like the first time I came!"
Linkara: "Man, aren't you glad that this avoids all those needless cliches that other superhero comics possess? Whew! No, no, this, this is what the people to know about."
God: *narrating* "See what I mean? Dumb! What a sense-less waste of human life!..."
Linkara (as a random person): "Uh... then pardon me, Lord, but then why did you give him superpowers?"
Linkara (as God): "Look, shut up! I work in mysterious ways!"
--------
Linkara: "Naturally, the woman runs away after this and all the people just stare in horror. Well, clearly this is a turning point in this comic where he must learn about the harsh reality of having such incredible power and it'll get all dramatic and stuff... or we could just have some random guy [named Jim, as later revealed] come up to him."
Jim: "Hey, what's the matter with you? Are you nuts? Don't you know that with great power comes great responsibility?"
Linkara: "Ooh, bad call. Don't remind people of other, better comics they could be reading instead of this. I mean, instead of reading about some psychotic killer, they could read "Amazing Spider-Man", which at the time was introducing Carnage, a psychotic killer! ...My point still stands!"
Jim: "Man, you need help! Listen, I've been waiting my whole life for a real superhero to come along, and when he finally does, this happens!"
Linkara (as Jim): "God, you just straight up murdered someone, dude. This is a complete bummer for me!"
--------
Linkara: "Kevin stops in at a White Castle to consider his situation, and yet he does not order the wonder that is chicken rings! Flight and super-strength?" *scoffs* "You want to impress people? Show them chicken in a ring form, my friends!"