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AT4W: Spiderman 2099 no.1

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Get ready to go back to the future as we go straight into 2099!

Buy a commission from me to keep me alive with food and stuff!

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Ecclytennysmithylove's avatar
Memorable quotes from episode 240:


Linkara: "A group of teens in a flying car are going through the air, and some of them are worrying that they're flying so high is a bad idea and they'll get caught."
Teen: "We're not gonna get caught."
Linkara (as teen): "I mean, it's not like someone could just look out a window and report us." *beat* "Actually, that's exactly what they could do. Why are we doing this?"
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Linkara: "A closer look at the hologram lady makes her look somewhat like Marilyn Monroe, but it's kind of hard to tell. The art style for the book is very similar to John Romita, Jr., especially in some of the faces, but the penciler here is actually a guy named Rick Leonardi. The hologram, named Lyla, says that Miguel has messages waiting for him, and we see the John Romita, Jr., influence in this dude's face: heavy inking, kind of squinty eyes in the closeup, but it doesn't really look bad, it's just kinda weird. Anyway, the hologram message is from a guy named Tyler Stone, who says to Miguel that he needs some kind of drug and that they can come to an arrangement. Miguel tells the hologram, who of course can't hear him because, you know, it's a recording, where he can stuff his drugs and moves on to the next message: a guy named Gabe, who wants Miguel not to be involved in some kind of corporate raiding program." *singing to the Spider-Man theme* Music "Spider-Man, Spider-Man, friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Can he swing from a thread? No, he can't, he's too busy performing corporate espionage. Does it rhyme? I don't care. This is the end of the joke now." Music 
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Linkara: "Next up is Miguel's fiancee, who looks like she has a black eye. Yeesh. The only thing worse than that is her hairdo. Half of it seems to be spiked upwards, and the other is in some kind of weird Princess Leia bun thing. Anyway, her name is Dana, and she wants to know what's happened to him, especially since the last time she saw him, he was strung out on drugs. Miguel, with his face in his hands, tells Lyla to dump all the messages, while Lyla continues to look she's dancing to music only she can hear. You know, Miguel, if your fiancee can tolerate your sexy female hologram that poses all the time," *leans in close; sotto voce* "it's a sign that it was meant to be! Get her on the phone, dude!"
Lyla: "Miguel, your present behavior is not within normal programming parameters."
Linkara (as Lyla): "You only need to be mopey after one of your friends turns evil or a girlfriend dies. That's how the original Spider-Man dealt with things."
Lyla: "You've diverted from your standard pattern of domestic arrival activities."
Linkara (as Lyla): "You haven't touched a World of Warcraft 2099 in days."
Lyla: "You've made no entries in your personal journal for days."
Miguel: "My journal? My journal, huh? All right, Lyla. Journal mode, then. Take this down."
Linkara (as Miguel): "I was born in a house my father built."
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Linkara: "Scientist guy [Aaron] is talking to Miguel, who's the project head of Project: Science or whatever this is."
Aaron: "I don't care if you are one of the great hopes of Alchemax! I don't care if you were given the the full university treatment and brought in to head this genetics program and brought in to head this genetics program."
Linkara (as Aaron): "I don't care if I loudly provide exposition about you."
Linkara: "Basically, Miguel is a loose cannon or something, and he needs to respect scientist guy or else he'll blab to the higher-ups about some of the crap they've done."
Miguel: "Aaron, Aaron, Aaron... even you can't deny how well the work's been progressing."
Linkara (as Miguel): "Soon, we'll have chocolate-covered Sweet Tarts! Think of the possibilities, man!"
Miguel: "We've achieved terrific success at altering the genetic structure of test animals."
Linkara (as Miguel): "I've created squirrels with the power to breathe underwater!" *looking up and shaking his fist* "I'm fixing all of God's mistakes!"
Linkara: "Our hero, everybody, a mad scientist trying to create a master race of gophers."
Miguel: "And I've even found some quality research material for inspiration."
Linkara (as Miguel): "Watching animals screwing on the Discovery Channel is very inspiring." *licks his teeth with his tongue*
Miguel: "His name was Spider-Man. One of the premier boys from the old heroic age, 'round the turn of the century. Proportionate strength of a spider."
Linkara (as Miguel): "Then he made a deal with Satan. Things get kinda hazy after that, something about getting possessed by Doctor Octopus and nobody noticing."
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Linkara: "Stone is brought in a prisoner who has volunteered to undergo testing. Apparently, in the future, a possible punishment is to artificially age a person by a number of years, and this guy figures the only way his sentence can be commuted is to be experimented on."
Prisoner: "Just... do the best job ya can for me, okay?"
Linkara (as Miguel): "Well, okay, but I insist on giving you a big, fluffy tail, too."
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Linkara: "As Miguel stumbles in, he hallucinates and accidentally hits her, causing the bruise on her eye we saw earlier. He apologizes and explains what Tyler did. She says if Tyler's that much of a dick, he should still quit, and they can get the drug in the black market to keep him alive, but he obviously doesn't like that. As such, he instead breaks back into Alchemax and uses his super awesome hacking skills to erase the record that he did so. He goes back to the genetics modifier, hoping to use it to restore himself. It seems the drug bonds itself to his genetic code... I'm not sure how the hell that works, but whatever... and since he has been using his own DNA for testing with the transformation machine, he hopes he can reformat his own genetics back to the way they were before the drug. It's a risk, certainly, but it's actually kind of a clever plan. His own DNA is probably less likely to turn himself into a puddle of goop than something that's pretty alien to him like an animal would. Unfortunately, where things go wrong is that the scientist guy from before, Aaron, is still pissed off about Miguel's arrogance and decides to screw around with it to kill him and take over the project. Unfortunately, his tampering with the controls instead inserts the spider genetic template into it, right into the middle of things, and causes an overload, blowing up the test chamber, but Miguel is otherwise unharmed. Aaron tries to pretend that Miguel did this to himself and yells at him, but our comic ends with the revelation that Miguel has fangs, claws, and worst of all, YOUNGBLOOD'S DISEASE!!"
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Linkara: *singing to the Spider-Man theme* Music "Spider-Man, Spider-Man, alters his genetic structure to be like Spider-Man. Addicted to drugs, he's our guy. Got inspiration from The Fly. Look out! Here comes the Spider-Man!" Music